Hey there, pretty customer. Do you mind if I come a little closer? I really want a one-to-one engagement with you, personalized to your specific needs. I know I can delight you with my touches on your buyer’s journey.

Customer satisfaction is my number one priority, and I have a laser focus when it comes to you. I’m passionate about you. Some might even say I’m obsessed. I want to nurture our relationship and find true customer intimacy and account stickiness. Maybe we can get engaged.

Stop. Just stop. Isn’t this just a little weird?

Who wants to strike up a business relationship with a company that sounds on the verge of stalking you?

When marketers talk about customers like this, I cringe. It reminds me of political candidates that wave their family values and patriotism as if that automatically makes them the best choice. We all have values and love our country, but we don’t have to go all sanctimonious about it. I would expect candidates to have values and principles (delusional on my part, I know,) and I would also hope we are marketers who care about customers. Let’s just don’t make it more than it is.

So what’s my point? Taken individually, some of these expressions aren’t objectionable, but as a lexicon, it comes across as insincere and ingratiating. Let’s drop this fawning marketing vocabulary. Don’t use these unctuous claims to describe how much you care about customers. Of course you care. Just be the marketing you want to see in the world. Let your actions speak for you. That’s what customers notice. They aren’t going to choose one business over another because you say you will delight them. Let’s just do good marketing and leave the stalky talk out of it.